Lamentations 3:40

Step 4: We must take a hard look in us to see what comes out of us.

We must take a hard look in us to see what comes out of us. You can take a look at what you have done wrong, and then correct it by removing your false thinking and behaviors.

Your "self thinking" and the words about yourself that come from you will reflect your true character! Your thinking has the power to be used by God to change your life for the better. The greatest gift you have is the ability to communicate; the greatest responsibility is using your ability to communicate with character and distinction within the parameters of God's call to you. The greatest message you will ever utter is the one that impacts you more in the faith and in so doing glorifying our Lord.

Jesus Christ and His Lordship is the only power that can help you recover! But do your words and thinking own up to this? To be impacted fully, you have to let Him do so, so it changes you from the inside and out. This is the power of the gospel and love to you and those with whom you come in contact. To impact your and other people's lives from your tongue and character is an awesome privilege and responsibility. Your character is the gospel that most people will read! Thus, your words will either help draw you further into recovery or further away from the help you need.

When you start to be in recovery, you need to be careful with what you say and how you say it. Be honest and move on from the hurt to the healing. If you are willing to change, then you will see your recovery progress and your relationships blossom. Your life will change! How to do this? Well, it is really simple. Just as your mom or grade school teacher must have said, think before you speak. This is good but also prayer too before you talk about yourself, your issues and/or your progress. When we pray, and think first and speak later, we are able to make positive affirmations and create happiness and thus, have success in healing for ourselves and for others that we have hurt too.

When we are careless in our self-thinking, those words will boomerang back to us and keep up the cycle of hurt and pain. We will be reliving our abuse and whatever we faced that caused us the pain to embrace dependency and addiction. If we can control our thinking and words, we will experience success in our recovery life and, most importantly, God will be glorified. Plan ahead for what you will say, so you will have a clear idea of the words you will use. At the same time, be in prayer, asking God to help you say words that encourage and impact, and do not tear down or cause gossip or distraction to Christ-like character. If you do not have encouraging words to say, then do not say anything. It is always best to say less and listen more. We have to guard what we are not to say as much as what we are going to say!

Here are some practical ideas on how we can make just minor changes to our thinking and reap much greater recovery and relationship skills. You will be able to help your healing and create better friendships and confidence in others as well as yourself. You will be building yourself and others up and not tearing them down; you will be glorifying our Lord and not taking an axe to your and God's efforts to restore you.

Here are some simple plans to put goodness in action by just watching how you use your words.

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Romans 12:17-18

Here are some replacement words you can use to create a better environment at work, school, church, and home.

How many more can you think of?

Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. "Do not fear what they fear; do not be frightened." But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. 1 Peter 3:13-15

The ups and downs of recovery may get us down, and the arguments, tension, disagreements, gossip, treachery, betrayal, financial disasters, stress, and false accusations may take its toll on us. Not to mention the problems we have brought onto our own selves. When life seems to rise up and wage war against us, our character can grow stronger and our relationships can improve. We can become even stronger and more loving-even more content. The choice is ours! On the other hand, these tough times can produce despair, confusion, anger, bitterness and loneliness. This will translate into how we use our words, and can escalate the problems into a revolving cycle of despair and chaos. If all that we see is failure and self-pity, cynicism will be produced rather than the person of character that God calls us to be. The same crushed grape will produce a good wine or sour vinegar. It all depends on how it is cared for and crafted. You are in control of your care and crafting when you keep your eyes on His care, and His crafting will enable you to produce the character of a fine wine, not sour vinegar.

Look what you can know:

1. You are Christ's loved one (2 Corinthians 12:9-10): Do not take your problem as a personal attack, even if it is. (You may have played the major role in your illness and may need a counselor to help you.) You are Christ's child; He is your identity and defense! When you understand that, you can better see your role in recovery and your road to restoration. Instead of being in dependency or addiction, you will be a relationship builder-even when the other person is seeking to or has torn you down. This first point has saved me a lot of stress and disappointment!

2. Understand Forgiveness (Psalm 103:12; Isaiah 43:25; 1 Corinthians 13:5; Colossians 3:12-14): Most Christians have a pale sense of the wonder that we have been forgiven, and often fail to show forgiveness to others when wronged. Forgiveness is absolutely crucial for any recovery or relationship to continue, and critical to resolving any conflict! Remember how much you have been forgiven; do not fail to show it to others! Remember, God does not treat us the way we tend to treat others.

3. Your Pain and Hurt are also Opportunities (1 Corinthians 6:1-8): It is an opportunity to learn and give God honor. It is not necessary for us to continue our cycle of hurt, bad, or the ending of a relationship. Know for certain that God can use your past failings, whether it is sin, bad choices, a wrong turn, or a misunderstanding, and transform them into good if you let Him. God will be glorified, and you will grow in character, maturity, trust, love, obedience, and in faith.

The same scenario happens in our "self-thinking" with how we view and respond to ourselves. What we believe shapes what we do and say. That is why a healthy understanding of doctrine and God's Word is so essential, as it will help shape our whole being. Again, this is also why the first step is so important as a foundation to understand fullness and the Kingdom of God as well as ourselves. If what we believe does not reflect the truth of what is in the Word of God, how we recover will fall way short of what we could have been. If what we believe does not reflect His truth, then what we feel will not reflect the reality of Christ's love for us. If we do not have a healthy self-worth from the realization of who we are in Christ, it will adversely affect our ability to recover and build relations with others!

Questions

1. Who has control of your thinking, God or man? Do you truly know the power your thinking has?

2. Have you taken a hard look in yourself to see what comes out of you?

3. What does your "self thinking" say about yourself to others?

4. What have you done to take a hard look inside you to see what comes out of you? Such as your morality, character, virtue and Fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 5)?

5. How is Jesus Christ and His Lordship working in your life?

6. How has He helped you with the power that can help you recover?

7. How have you experienced reliving your abuse and whatever you faced that caused you the pain? What can you do?

8. Look at the replacement words. How can you use them to create a better environment at work, school, church, and home? How will this help your recovery?

9. How and why do our words and thinking reflect our true character?

10. Reflect on your "self worth" and thinking, how you think of and treat yourself. How are you doing here?

11. Does your image of yourself represent the fact God deeply loves and care for you? How so? Why not? What do you need to do to grow in this area?

12. How have you experienced careless, self-thinking words boomeranging back to you and keeping up the cycle of hurt and pain? Why would you want to continue this? How can you stop?

Do you have a sponsor or mentor to help you through these steps? If not, why not? Get one! Ask your pastor!

Meditate on these passages for the next week or more: Psalm 19:14; 51:10; Matt. 9:12-13; Mark 7:21; 9:23-24; 12:29-31; Ephesians 4:29-32; Philippians 4:8

© 1990, 2003, 2008, Dr. Richard J. Krejcir, Discipleship Tools www.discipleshiptools.org